


Dildos?

by punygod



Category: Marvel
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-14 17:41:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2200869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punygod/pseuds/punygod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve should've known - nothing good ever comes from eavesdropping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dildos?

Bucky’s charm wasn’t something that was forced. It sort of just happened. That’s the way it had always been and Steve had seen plenty of it in action.

Bucky – now – was different. Smiles and words didn’t come as easily to him as it had once upon a time, and even though there was certainly charisma hidden beneath darker undertones, it didn’t come out nearly as often, and not everyone got to witness it.

The last person Steve thought he’d see breaking through Bucky’s walls of apathy, was Tony Stark. In fact, Steve wouldn’t have been surprised if Tony had been responsible for some of those walls going up in the first place. But Steve only spoke from experience, and his experience with Tony usually had his teeth gnashing and a toaster being thrown out the window

Bucky, on the other hand, seemed to be responding completely differently to Tony’s ceaseless stream of words and hand gestures, and as Steve watched from the kitchen where he was pretending to be busy making sandwiches, Tony and Bucky sat very much in each other’s space, crowding over a tablet the one of them was holding.

“That’s _way_ too big,” Bucky was saying, shaking his head.

“Haven’t you heard? Bigger the better-”

“Haven’t _you_ heard? Size doesn’t matter.”

Steve frowned down at the cucumber he was slicing up. He probably shouldn’t be listening in; it was probably nothing, and more importantly, it wasn’t any of his business, but –

“Well, what about this? This is smooth-”

Bucky shook his head again, and made a movement which Steve assumed was him swiping a picture off the tablet screen. “No, the shape’s not quite right-”

“This?”

“Hm. Maybe. Look at the girth though. A little too wide at the top, don’t you think? It needs to be more proportioned, or it won’t feel right-”

“Wow, you’re certainly a picky one, Barnes.”

“You said this was for me, I get to be picky-”

“Well, of course, but you’re doing a quick job of narrowing down the range we can pick from.”

“I know what I like, Stark. Can you cater or not?”

“ _Of course_ I can cater, why do you even need to ask? The _real_ question here is – are you _sure_ you don’t want the real thing? I mean, I can-”

Steve’s butter knife slipped from his grip and cluttered loudly onto the floor, and as the two heads turned from the couch to look back at the cause of the noise, Steve ducked behind the counter, both to hide his flaming face and to pick up the knife he’d dropped. Sometimes his enhanced senses really were a curse; he’d heard every word. Did they really have to talk about that in broad daylight for just anybody to hear? He knew Bucky was an adventurous type, and didn’t doubt that characteristic was only limited to coming up with reckless battle plans, but was Bucky really discussing _bedroom toys_ with Tony Stark?

(Granted, Tony was probably anyone’s best bet to get hooked up with toys, and he _did_ seem just as interested in all this as Bucky did).

“Steve?” Bucky said, looking over the back of the couch and raising an eyebrow. The last he’d heard, supersoldiers didn’t go around just randomly letting things drop.

“Sorry, dropped my knife,” Steve said, popping back up and holding up the knife as evidence, forcing a bright smile of fake normalcy onto his face. “I’m making sandwiches.” He gestured unnecessarily to the breads and fillings spread out in front of him on the counter, which only caused Bucky’s eyebrows to rise higher, and for Tony’s to come together in confusion.

“Sorry,” Steve said again, sighing. “I just – I couldn’t help overhearing.”

At that, both Bucky and Tony’s expressions cleared.

“Oh. You don’t need to get all bashful, pal,” Bucky said, grinning. “In fact, it’d be great if you could help me choose. I’ve narrowed it down to two-”

“You want me to help you choose?” Steve’s face was the very picture of scandalised, his voice rising high to match.

“Sure. It’s no big deal, Steve, just come around and look at the pictures-”

“No, no, it’s fine, Buck, you know what you like best-”

“All the same, I’d appreciate your input-”

“ _I’m not picking out a dildo for you, Bucky,_ ” Steve finally snapped, his voice suddenly sounding very loud in the silent room which had previously been filled with bickering.

Bucky blinked several times, and Tony seemed to be in the same state of shock, though he recovered quickly, and what started off as a small snort of laughter, became loud guffaws as he completely lost it, leaning against Bucky’s side trying to contain himself.

“Steve…” Bucky started, a bemused sort of grin on his face, as he looked down at the tablet in his hands and back up to Steve who was just becoming irritated at this stage. What was so _funny?_ Nothing was _funny._ Everything was _awkward._

Bucky turned the tablet screen around to show Steve. “Steve. Tony was just showing me some designs he came up with for my new arm upgrade.”

Steve’s eyes went wide as he took in the pictures on the screen. They were all different variations of Bucky’s metal arm, some looking bulkier than the one he had now, some more stream lined. One of them even looked like a human arm – the real thing.

“Oh.”

Tony was still snickering away to himself, and Bucky joined in with a few chuckles of his own, mostly due to the different emotions that were running across Steve’s face – from understanding, to relief, to mortification at where his mind had so quickly taken him.

“Hey, you know Steve has the right idea,” Tony quipped, “the arm could _totally_ be used as a-”

~~“No, Tony.”~~

"Not now, Tony."

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts and feedback welcome and appreciated :) I hope you enjoyed this.


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